Random Blog

Well, it's been a while again since I wrote on this blog. Here are some updates since my last post: 2018 - I graduated from university. Finally. It took me a year longer to graduate than most people (it took me 5 years instead of 4) due to taking a semester off. In those 5 long years, I battled and conquered depression, made friends, doubted but eventually finished my program, and graduated with just a few regrets. I graduated with a BS degree in Biology. I'm not sure if I already made a post about it yet, but I hesitated to continue the program because I wanted to take Fine Arts since I got into uni. It took me a few semesters of contemplating before committing to my course. I did enjoy my majors despite almost flunking my math and physics courses. I also enjoyed my laboratory courses. I did say that I graduated with just a few  regrets. I admit that I wasn't the best in time management during undergrad and crammed a lot. I regret not doing better in some subject...

I didn't have much time to take photographs this week because I had to tend to some errands. I did try taking my camera with me for a few days but I'm still too shy to take pictures in public places such as in busy streets. Near my dorm, however, I had the opportunity to take pictures of my favorite bird that likes to hang out by the grills on the windows. This is an Olive-Backed Sunbird. Olive backed sunbird I also tried to take pictures of car lights at night with long exposure, but I didn't like the outcome as much as I should. I feel like I need a tripod or something. I'll save up for a cheap one some other time. ** On another note, I tried drawing again because I'm fangirling over the anime Haikyuu!! and I am so deeply in love with Oikawa (and a lot of other boys) Oikawa Tooru from Haikyuu!! This is what I imagine him to look like after Aoba Johsai's loss to Karasuno in the second season. I love youuuu <3

I'm setting a goal for myself to keep this blog alive and running. I've decided to post a "photo(s) of the week" on every following Sunday, so on this post I'll be starting on Week 1 because I would have to be reviewing all photos I took from Sunday-Saturday of the previous week before the next Sunday when I finally choose which one/s to post. (I have no idea if I explained that correctly lol) This is also to push myself into taking pictures, since classes are coming up again and I might not be able to touch my camera :(  So anyway, here are some of Week 1's photos!!!!1 Click to enlarge  Pictured above is a leaf (obviously) found just in front of our home. I didn't bother identifying it (so much regret but yeah). I held the leaf to stabilize it because it was really windy. the sunlight had a nice effect as you can see through the veins and veinlets. Surprisingly, this was detailed enough that you can see the sophisticated reticulation of the ve...

I found a new hobby!!!1 lol Click to view. I got a camera recently and and I'm starting out with photography. I'm still not good at it yet, but I'm trying. I may post some pictures here (or maybe not, it depends)

Recently, I've been visiting a psychiatrist in a hospital near my uni. I went there because I thought continuously crying for about twice a day and three times a week for 3 months wasn't normal anymore. I guess I was right. I was told I have "severe" depression, and thankfully without psychotic symptoms (yet). I was prescribed some medicine, specifically escitalopram oxalate for the depression and anxiety, and clonazepam to calm me down during panic attacks.  The struggle wasn't only for the inconsistent lows I've been experiencing, but it was mostly the fact that a lot of people think I'm just making up the things I feel, which is very very  hurtful in all aspects. It makes me look like a liar, a drama queen, and a needy person.  I have given up trying to explain to some people that the feelings I experience aren't made up. I have given up trying to explain what I feel, especially when I know the person I'm talking to seems doubtful a...

Maybe I'm being too ambitious, and maybe I'm being delusional.  I'm not in the right position to say that I could be a great person, and maybe I never will. I know that the only thing I've been doing is underachieving. No one deserves me in the sense that I keep on failing everyone and I'm better left alone to rot in my little corner. I won't be as good as anyone and I'll probably die with this in mind.  I am a failure and I will then likely die a failure, as I keep on falling short of my own expectations, then what would become of me in the future? I have no face to show to the people who look up to me, if there are any of them left.  Maybe I'll just die as a nobody, then at least I won't push myself too hard to hurt myself even more.