Role Play

In Manila, most of my friends and close friends in general were girls.

When we were in high school, we would usually hang out in the tree houses we have at our school until the first class starts. Every lunch, my group of friends consisting of a dozen girls would squeeze into a table fit for eight.

We would talk about our funny moments or even some embarrassing ones that we don't usually share with everyone else. We would laugh together and even throw some crumbs of food at each other when we end up being too crazy. We would eat each other's food, with or without the other's consent. 

Everything was fun, maybe except for the drama that came along with our tight bond. I, myself, was doubting the very core of our friendship. But hey, we've been close and there's nothing I can do about that now. 

At certain times I would cry myself to sleep because of that doubt that turned into true deception. It's unlikely for me to cry because of petty things, but friendship is as important to me as food (well, most of the time). I used to think I would never cry because of this. Call me egoistic, but the truth is, I tried to restrain myself to never prioritize friendship. Alas, I failed.

I cried over the simplest things, mainly backstabbing because I only seldom get that. I'm not used to the feeling of betrayal as well. I trust a lot of people often too much. It's like giving a knife to a criminal; I'm just making myself more vulnerable of being hurt. On the other hand, I doubted people as much as I trusted them. Maybe a chosen few have gained my trust but without my doubt.

I miss them, maybe not as much now, since I now belong to a comparatively large group of friends here in Baguio.. The only difference is that they are all boys. 

Befriending people with almost the same personalities as my friends back in Manila have was very hard for me. College is totally different because a lot of people from different places are mixed up into one campus. It's like a big fruit salad. (worst analogy I've ever made, so far). I've had a tough time trying to read everyone's personalities since it was not my forte and hobby to do so. Honestly, I am uninterested in a lot of people except for a select few, so having to face the crowd and literally maintaining eye contact while talking was really challenging for me. 

In the end, I managed to fit in a group that accepted me for who I am-- the quiet me, the noisy me, the bitchy me, the sad me, the happy me, the crazy me. This specific group of people never left me. When I was badly injured (I fell off the stairs and was bedridden and had a hard time walking for a week or two) they showed the most concern-- something I've never gotten from anyone else during my stay here. That was an unintentional test of friendship, and they passed. 

I never felt awkward when I'm with them, even though I'm the only girl in the group. This is a whole new experience for me because my group of friends before were all girls.

Like what I used to do in high school, my college friends and I eat lunch together and laugh at each other's witty (and sometimes sexual) jokes, embarrassing moments, and the like. My first sem of college is surprisingly fun, knowing that I have seven "brothers" that I can always count on. They are definitely in my short list of "People I Will Never Forget". 

All throughout, my perspective has changed. I used to dislike boys for hurting my friends (emotionally speaking), and I swore to myself to be a better "guy" than them. I would hiss at them and try to "out-man" them as much as I can. During my days in high school, I was influenced to think that I can never get along with boys as much as I do with girls. 

Now, the tables have turned and college has proved otherwise. I learned that gender never played a role on friendship, and it never will.